Sometime yesterday I tweeted (twit? twat?) this:
And it got me thinking about how lucky my brothers are to be identical twins. I mean, non-stop Halloween* costume ideas! Another Halloween, they dressed up as the Boondock Saints. How awesome is that?!?!
So I’m kind of jealous of my little brothers. There are all these perks to being a twin, and why can’t I have perks? Don’t I deserve perks? Where are my perks?!
The Halloween benefit is really an offshoot of a more obvious benefit: The Switcharoo**. My brothers did this often in grade school and never even got in trouble for it, because oh ha ha, twins are adorable, they can do no wrong. The Switcharoo happens when one twin pretends to be the other twin and totally screws with people all day long. If I had a twin I could do that without just pretending to be someone else, which is what I currently do to fuck with people and gets me less laughing and more psychiatrists’ business cards.
Perk Number Two: Twin ESP. I have seen this in action, and it’s pretty fucking amazing. Of course it makes sense (maybe only to me, but I digress) that two people with identical DNA would be super-tuned in to each other, but it doesn’t make it less cool when one twin gets a bad feeling and then we find out the other just got in a car wreck. I want someone who can predict when I’m getting hurt or know to pick up some Taco Bell for me without me asking!
The third benefit I am bemoaning not getting to experience is the Double Your Fun factor. It’s a given that having two of me everywhere would really make the world a better place, but what I’m really thinking of here is dressing alike. I know, that’s kind of creepy, but don’t you think it would be fun sometimes? I have this one outfit I just can’t get enough of, it’s so adorable. So I make my twin wear it too and BAM! Double the cute.
Anyway. Maybe I’ll get a clone for Christmas.
*Aside: Halloween of 2007, I was waaaay preggo with Maya. I wanted to dress up as a nun and have Boyfriend dress up as Jesus, BUT NO, HE WAS NOT INTO IT. And I have never forgiven him for it. Pregnant nun! Jesus! It was sheer genius!
**Another Aside: I have always wondered if my brothers, who seriously have to beat women away with a stick, have pulled The Switcharoo on any girls before. If ya’ know what I’m sayin’.