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there's a good chance i'm overthinking this

I would really like your opinion on something, Dear Reader.  It’s not really a big issue, but I am very interested in people’s (possibly different) takes on it.  Also I’ve been out of the game for eight years and need some help.  Also also:  I am socially awkward in general.  Backstory first, question to follow.

So I am single.  This is not a great source of tension for me.  I am okay with being single; it is nice to not have to share my Lucky Charms.  I am not actively looking for a boyfriend right now.  (Also I don’t know how to write the following sentence without feeling like an egotistical bitch, but…) Sometimes I do meet people at school or work or when I’m out with friends and I absolutely dread the moment when (if) they show more than passing interest in me.

This is probably an issue for a whole ‘nother post (eh, fuckit), but I can almost guarantee that I am not interested.  It’s not that they’re not nice or attractive or have the potential to be a really great boyfriend.  It’s just that I don’t have the time or inclination to find out.  I’ve got my own shit to worry about right now and frankly, the energy that it takes to get to know someone when, in all likeliness, it won’t work out long-term, is just something I don’t have right now.  More importantly, I don’t have the energy to let someone get to know me.  I know that that in itself should be effortless– “Just be yourself! How hard is that?!”– but no, it takes a lot for me to really let someone in and I don’t want to risk letting someone in just to get brushed aside.  Granted, I may be bitter given some recent personal events that made me feel uhhh… less than desirable.  But I’m also just being honest.

SO, wow, that was an unnecessary deviation into my fucked-up head.  Now that we’ve got that out of the way…

I was thinking of wearing a ring on my “wedding” finger to avoid those awkward moments when someone has put themselves out there and asked me on a date and I want to say no.  I really stress about the saying-no part because I want to convey to the person that it’s likely not them, that I’m just not in a dating frame of mind right now because blah blah blah refer to paragraph three, but yanno, that’s not really stuff you explain to a stranger even if you’re trying to spare their feelings.

Questions:  Is that tacky to wear a fake wedding ring just to avoid being hit on? (Sub-question:  If you say the ring thing is tacky, what one-line response can I use that is both polite and kind but also says “I’m not interested”?)  Am I just a total fucking coward by wanting to avoid that awkwardness?

Comments

  1. Alejandra says:

    You can totally wear 2 thin bands on your ring finger and just justify them as one for each one of your chillins AND they can double as douche-scaring devices.

  2. Tacky? No – you do what you gotta do, how you gotta do it. However – a line that I think would work is “If you’re into men – I’m game” Leaves them wondering but probably uninterested.

    That being said – don’t close yourself off to the unexpected, un-timely great things that can happen in life.

    peace out – HO

  3. I agree with HO. If you completely close yourself off, you might miss something or someone very important. Just my two cents though. What the hell do I know?

  4. @ alejandra: good call. douche-scaring or douche-scarring? either way, i guess.

    @ HO: I like the way you think. of course, I’d be at a loss if the dude replied, “OK, I’m into that too.” 🙂

    @ TJ *and* HO: I know, I know. I’m not saying I’d always say no. It’s just, I can usually tell within seconds if there is something to someone. A “feeling” if you will. Sounds cheesy, but it’s true. I don’t get shit from 95% of people I meet, male or female. I’m not totally closed off, but it would take my “special” radar to go off for me to consider a date.

  5. I have worn bands on my ring finger for YEARS. I have found it incredibly helpful in dissuading interest on MANY occasions.

    I happen to think that if someone comes along that you think you MIGHT be interested, they will probably be the type of person who would find the ring idea hilarious anyway.

  6. I always wore a band on my ring finger. I just liked it! If that deflects some percentage of the come-ons then great.

  7. I’m going to start wearing a wedding band to get MORE women. I feel like this will work. I will report back.

    It’s fine to do that, most guys don’t even check though so beware. I do, then I see they’re married and go home and cry.

    Then eat fruit loops.

  8. It is not tacky at all.

    And I’ll bet when you meet someone really interesting, you’ll think it’s worth it and you’ll go with it. So right now, either you aren’t ready or you haven’t met anyone worth it. Either way, you have a lot of shit going on right now, no need to rush into anything.

  9. When I worked at the restaurant, I ALWAYS got hit on and it just got out of hand. I started wearing a ring, so I guess I wouldnt think it was weird. I also can relate to the whole dating thing too. I’m really not into it right now either, but I’m trying to be? I think it’s because I feel I *should* be in a relationship?? Eh… anyways- do your thing and when you’re ready for a relationship, your fake ring can come off 🙂

  10. I am always encourage my girlfriends to wear fake rings when they’re going somewhere they KNOW they won’t want to be hit on, or leered at. I think it’s a fab idea.

  11. I often wear a band-like ring on my left ring finger. I’m not sure it really works to ward people off, but I like to think it does. At a minimum, I’m relatively certain that it serves as enough of a barrier that it enables people to get to know me for me rather than as an object. Still, it’s not that effective: I wish it would have scared off some of my ex-boyfriends.

  12. i’m cheating, a bit…so there’s that…

    but, for the sake of authenticity – and you’re free to moderate if you will – i call “shenanigans” on this entire post, only cause i love you…

    we both know from where you are
    a ring
    no ring
    can’t hide the scar
    neither can it hide
    who & what you are

    the fact is
    if you don’t want them to inquire
    do it the easy way
    do it with water
    do it with fire
    (personally, i’d use electricity – kinda like a combo type thing…)

    in any case
    the truth you face
    isn’t the quantity of suitors
    but the ones you can’t replace
    and the ones you’ve yet to taste
    it’s yours and yours alone to waste
    but time is precious
    no one escapes
    so bandage the bruises
    cover over the scrapes
    seize the opportunity to love
    whatever sacrifices it takes

  13. Cowardly? Hell no. That awkwardness isn’t an obligation to participate in, despite the fact that some seem to think so.

    Tacky? Also, hell no.

    Tactful social management strategy? Damn straight. Wear the ring. (Or rings – Alejandra’s on to something there, I think.)

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