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NaDeNeFoMo: the failsauce edition

Oh lordy you guys.  Friday’s deep-frying adventure was no bueno.  I mean, it started out fine.  There’s nothing wrong with this, right?

You’re goddamn right there’s nothing wrong with that plate of bountiful goodness.  From left to right we have:  Snickers, tiramisu, cupcakes, a slice of cheesecake, and oatmeal creme pies.  For the record, I had a friend over to help with taste-testing, so all that junk food wasn’t for me; I did give him a slice of the tiramisu…  the smaller slice.

I wish I could say that everything was deep-fried deliciousness, things worthy of the years of heart trouble I’m probably going to have, but I’m not here to lie to you, folks.  I don’t know what I did wrong, but I must have done something wrong, because nearly all our fried treats were a letdown.

We started with the oatmeal creme pies.  (I used a generic cinnamon batter that would compliment everything.)  They fried up the easiest and cleanest, but when we bit into them, they were basically liquefied inside the batter shell.  That’s not to say it tasted bad; it was actually quite yummy, but you could make a bowl of instant oatmeal, stir in a cup of sugar, and get the same result with a much smaller risk of second-degree burns.

oatmeal creme sadness goop.

Next up was the cheesecake slice.  I don’t know why I thought it would be a good idea to fry the entire slice at once but… no.  It fell apart in the batter and on its way into the fryer so we made do with deep-fried cheesecake balls, which were AWESOME.  Deep-fried cheesecake balls will definitely be going on the menu of my future restaurant (if you can call a roadside BBQ shack a “restaurant”).

It was all downhill from here.  I can’t even bring myself to post any more photos because everything looks the same:  an indistinguishable beige blob.  The Snickers was a loss– the batter didn’t bond with the candy bar in the fryer and the end result looked like a poo with dandruff.  (Good imagery, no?)  Of course a meltey Snickers bar never tastes bad, but the presentation killed it for me.

The cupcakes?  More like failcakes.  For someone with a decent intelligence level, I don’t know why I didn’t think about the reality that frosting may melt when in contact with hot oil.  I’ll chalk it up to a blonde moment; I hear I’m allowed three of those per year.  The tiramisu met the same fate as the cupcakes.

… Maybe I can redeem myself this weekend when I dip a fully-dressed hamburger.

Comments

  1. too bad about the tiramisu. what a letdown. 🙁

    can’t wait to see how the hamburger goes though…i think you might give mcdonalds a run for their money with that one!

    xo

  2. At least you gave it a shot, even if it turned…goopey.

    it is hard to look at that plate of goodness to realize part of it got ruined. Damn.

  3. Damn, that’s too bad about most of the desserty goodness… I am not in the habit of attending state fairs, but when I have, I’ve found their deep fried dessertness has a surprising amount of structural integrity – I suspect they freeze them before battering/frying.

    Also, NaDeNeFoMo puts me in mind of the following: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPkMUU9tUqk

    Also, on the subject of poo with dandruff, I once took care of a man with AIDS and diffuse skin cancer who had the appearance of poo with dandruff. He gleefully referred to himself as “carpet boy”.

  4. A for effort.

    I’m trying to figure out what else to fry. I’m thinking pie.

  5. I had a deep-fried Snickers at the fair once and it was DISGUSTING. Not only did it look like a turd with dandruff, it also couldn’t take the intense heat of the summer fair and it limped and sagged under the weight and heat and oh god I felt like I was deep throating a troll with ED.

    Thought I’d share.

    Also, gimme sommat deep-fried cheesecake ballz.

  6. I haven’t tried it personally, but it seems like if you freeze what ever it is you want to fry, then maybe that would help with the melting that happens in the frier. Just a thought.

Trackbacks

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by James Whitaker and Michael Roe, bri. bri said: (new fried-food post) My most recent #NaDeNeFoMo experiments were just recipes for sadness: http://bit.ly/cdGvcw […]

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