Last week I made The Biggest Mistake of My Life.
Let’s back up for a minute. I’ve been self-employed since March 2010. It is simultaneously the shittiest and the best job in the history of ever. My boss is an asshat, the hours are ridiculous, and the office smells like a very stinky dog. It is not glamorous, I only have benefits because I am married, and MY BOSS IS AN ASSHAT. There are days when I think about getting a “real job” where I get to interact with someone other than Moose every day, where I am working only 9-5, where I have weekends off and paid vacations. WHERE MY BOSS KEEPS HER FUCKING SMELLY DOG OUT OF THE OFFICE.
But. Last week I made the Biggest Mistake of My Life and completely destroyed any chance of ever having a “real job”– I got a tattoo on my hand. A stupid tattoo of a stupid donut, at that! According to my mother and several people on the internet, hand tattoos are reserved for felons and/or drug dealers and I’m STUPID and I’LL REGRET IT and I’m RUINING MY FUTURE. I understand that logic and I agree (with caveats)… and that’s exactly why the hell I did it.
Self-employment is hard and I have, this past summer especially, when I was dealing with the worst client I could ever imagine and unsure of the direction I was moving, thought long and hard of throwing in the towel and taking some corporate job and losing all the fucking hassle. But I’d also lose the ability to take my kids to the beach whenever I want. I’d lose the ability to take an afternoon nap if I so please. I’d lose thirty months of molding and shaping what my business does and who it serves. I’d lose the best fucking clients that a nerd could ever ask for. I’d lose, yes, the pride I have in myself for making this work.
I was sick of having quitting my business as an option. I was tired of always questioning if my own business was the right choice for me, when I know in my gut that it is. So I purposefully and knowingly ruined that option for myself.