My name is Bri, and I don’t want to define myself completely by saying “I’m a 29 year-old mom”– Although I am both of those things I am also so! much! more! For example, I am silly, bitchy, a nerd, addicted to horrible paranormal television, always cracking lame jokes, and ready to rock you like a hurricane.
I enjoy red meat and a good comedy and Dunkin Donuts coffee. I have a love affair with classic muscle cars, furry creatures, and gummy bears . I come from a giant family of sarcastic people. If I’m not making fun of you, it means I don’t like you. I can spend all day bustin’ Yo Mama jokes even if I’m the only one listening.
I grew up in Phoenix, Arizona but now live in Tampa, Florida. I work as a virtual book-keeper because I don’t believe I should have to wear pants to get a paycheck. If that doesn’t work out my back-up plan is to run a food truck, also sans pants. You may find me terrorizing the interwebz in smaller doses on Twitter, Tumblr, or Dailybooth.
My fambly is the most awesome thing ever. You may read about them here from time to time. Between Andrew (my wonderful husband, Chief Bug Killer, and a bitchin’ web developer) and I, we have three kids, which makes our household basically a mobocracy. Taylor is eight, and enjoys being a smart-ass, eating, and riding his skateboard down the street on his stomach. Cash is five, and is in a long-term relationship with fruit snacks. He aspires to be a train conductor who never has to wear pants. Maya, the little princess, is four. She is a fan of the color pink, things that are soft, and Cinnamon Life cereal. We are a motley crew, but it works for us.
You can contact me at sarcasmically [at] gmail [dot] com. Do not email me to tell me that “sarcasmically” is not a real word. I know and I’m sorry that you have no imagination.